cataragon: (Default)
[personal profile] cataragon
It's been a month. I haven't written.

I find it hard to write about what I'm doing, about how life is going, and try to ignore the sleeping oh-my-god-what-the-hell-am-I-doing-with-my-life dragon in the corner. Also, not to just whine a lot. Generally I've felt radio silence to be the wiser course of action.

In this month I have had a 30th birthday, had a 30th birthday brunch, decorated a wedding cake, planned a dinner for 50 and dealt with what has seemed like an unending stream of difficult things happening in the lives of people I love. There is probably other stuff I can't think of right now, but which were significant.

Also, Winter Weekend, from which I have just returned well fortified, and oddly refreshed and with enthusiasm for projects renewed. I'm not sure why, since I didn't do any projects, really, while there. It's good though.

My insomnia is reaching epic fail levels. I can't sleep until I'm off my head crazy exhausted, which is a little on the odd side even for me, and then for added bonus crazy, I'm struggling to sleep long enough when I do sleep. Which means my sleep debt is climbing rapidly, and my levels of cope/social skills/not being a fucking bitch are dropping equally swiftly, whcih isn't fun for anyone, least of all me.
I've tried almost everything I can think of, but nothing seems to be helping at present.
I expect it's stress related, everything else seems to be.

I'm given to understand that the solution to that is to reduce the stress in your life, but I'm going to try increasing positive aspects instead, since there's no sign Mount OhMyFuckingGodAaargh! is going anywhere any time soon.

Phase One involves completing soothing organising task work for other people and accomplishing simple creative goals I'm setting myself.
Phase Two, probably implemented concurrently, is to purchase more tart cherry juice. I have no idea if it actually works, but there's research indicating it possibly does, it seems to have helped me before, and it's pretty much the only way to get melatonin in this country. Plus, in the end, if it's helpful I don't really care if it's a placebo effect.
It does definately give me a bedtime routine, which is supposed to help sleep hygiene, so that's a plus.
On the negative side, it does not taste good.

Sleep soon, hopefully. My eyes are sore, anyway, although it's difficult to tell if that's the hard exhaustion setting in, or just the death-cold-sore-throat Winter Weekend Plague I've got going on.

Tiredly,
C.
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cataragon

September 2010

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